clay (clayeer) wrote,
clay
clayeer

fic: what's behind and what's before (glee, sam/kurt au)

title: what's behind and what's before
author: clayeer 
rating: PG
author notes: so this is a bit of an exercise in fixing season 2 and sam’s pov. sort of groundhog day fic?

there was turbulence on the flight.

storms they said
out of season
it made him feel sick so he tried to sleep
his head leaning against the clammy window
kurt's forehead leaning on his shoulder
he didn't rest
he felt strange
like he couldn't relax
nerves maybe
stage fright
homesickness
new york was a big place
nationals was a big deal
everyone was excited
terrified
and quinn had turned up at the airport with her hair cut short
hadn't looked at finn
who didn't notice
because he was watching rachel
who hadn't shut up once
but sam felt like there was something in the pit of his stomach tugging him in a direction he didn't want to go


he turned his head, looked at the soft brown hair just under his nose
no
he didn't want to leave
things had been getting better
with his family
with their situation
kurt had made it better
sam had been sure he would tell
tell finn
tell mercedes
and then everyone would know
but he hadn't cared
not then
he had told kurt because kurt asked
kurt saw there was something wrong and he asked
so sam had told him
and kurt had kept it a secret
for months
even when finn and rachel caught them
even when they accused kurt of cheating on what's-his-name
kurt still didn't tell
when sam asked why
kurt said
because you're my friend
sam hadn't said anything
he'd given up on friends


and then prom happened
and kurt's steps as he ran from the gym
what's-his-name calling after him
and his broken, empty smile when he came back
and his sad eyes as he stood alone on the dance floor
and sam had felt himself moving
thinking
he couldn't be alone he couldn't be alone i have to be with him
when what's-his-name stepped up
and all sam could do was step back
but kurt wasn't alone
so he had to smile
and rachel looked up at him
like she knew


another bump hit the plane
and kurt jostled against him
murmuring in his sleep
no words
just soft sounds before he sighed
and relaxed again
sam felt the tug
he looked out the window
trying to see if he could see the lights of new york
he didn't know what time it was
or how long they'd been flying
time felt weird to him
he thought he might be falling asleep
it felt like kurt had been resting against him forever
and like every moment
every warm breath against his neck
was flying away
and he was losing it all so fast
another bump
another tug in the pit of his stomach
pulling him somewhere
he tried to sleep

it was bright when he woke up
which was weird since their flight was a red eye
he opened his eyes
and the sun peeked through curtains he had never gotten a chance to get used to
in a room that never quite felt like home
under blankets that did because he'd brought them with him from tennessee
he sat up
dreaming
i must be dreaming
but his blankets felt soft
the way they always did
and the carpet felt too real under his feet when he swung his legs out
and everything was too vivid
too flawed and too perfect
he looked around
all his stuff was piled around the room
his guitar sitting on the floor by the desk
his clothes in piles
stuff he had worn
and stuff he hadn't put away yet from the move


he reached for his phone
where he had left it when he still had a phone
7.30 am
october 13th
the day after his first week of glee club
before everything
when everything was new
and after everything had gone wrong
after kurt had sung on his own
and sam had sung with quinn
at the time (yesterday)
it had felt okay
she was nice
popular
safe
sam had tried not to think of what singing with kurt would have been like
had thought
there will be time later
we'll get a chance
but they hadn't


he heard his mom call his brother and sister from downstairs
his dad's footsteps made their way past his door, pausing to knock
move it or lose it sammy!
he remembered this day
the day he heard his parents talking in the kitchen
tense
and
quiet
he stood up slowly
his hand moving to his chest


on the plane
sam had felt like something was pulling him
a tether
pulling him away from where he was
with kurt snoring softly beside him
but here
in his room that hadn't been his for very long
here he felt anchored
like he belonged here
like he knew what he had to do

in school that day
he tells quinn they probably shouldn't date
she only raises an eyebrow at him
offers to pay him half of the breadstix bill
he laughs
says she could just handle it next time
he tells her she would look good with short hair

he gets to glee club early
kurt is already there
he sits beside him even though all the other chairs are empty
it occurs to him that here it was only a couple of days ago that kurt saw him in the shower
he wonders if he should be nervous
if he would be nervous if he had done this the first time

"will you sing with me?"
Tags: fic: glee, sam/kurt
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